the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
