he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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