The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
