Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
