So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
