There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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