He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We're too hungover to prance.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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