Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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