We're like a lot better than the average bears
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
