How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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