You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
