Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
