watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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