what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
