i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
