A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
