Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
