I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i think i have two assholes
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
