living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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