Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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