In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
