i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
