Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
