Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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