I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
