Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
