I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
