He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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