Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
