After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
