I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just want to make out with him forever
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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