What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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