hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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