Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
