Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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