my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I AM VODKA MAN
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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