hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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