clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
