I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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