when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
