Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
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