Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
what day is it and did you see me today?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
