Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
