The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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