I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
