put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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