You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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