I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
