well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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