It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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